Hundreds of attempts to let go of my twin flame and only one successful - my own experience

Updated: May 15, 2021



Hundreds of attempts to let go of my twin flame and only one successful

- my own experience

Looking back on my twin flame path that I have walked so far, I notice that there were many moments when I had the need to let go of my twin...

The term "letting go" had been popping up in my mind for some time. When I started working on my inner world, I realized that leaving my life in the hands of the universe is the best possible option.

The point of view, from which we look at all the things that surround us and the situations we are in at any given time, is often very deformed, overshadowed by programs, emotions, and thoughts that are still active. It’s simply limiting. We don’t believe in ourselves enough to set the bar high and chase big dreams. Or maybe the opposite - we’re too demanding of ourselves and strive to create the perfect image, which is often not our own vision, but the people's who try to influence us somehow.

The universe, however, knows what the purpose of our existence is, which role our soul has chosen to play in the present life, what kind of lessons it wants to learn, what to experience, and what is the best for us in general. After a longer or shorter period of inner metamorphosis, we push the ego into the background. We are more confident in letting our intuition lead us and enable events in our life to unfold according to the bigger plan. We let go of all expectations and allow the universe to show us the best possible path. We’re no longer attached to our current job, place of residence, partner, old beliefs, convictions, rules, etc. We are open to something new, better. We are not afraid to take risks.

While letting go of all other situations and people always gave me a sense of relief, dealing with my twin flame was not so easy.

In the early stages of the twin flame path, I tried to "let go" perhaps a thousand times. However, in reality, it had nothing to do with real letting go. It was one, great, never-ending desire to control my own emotions, feelings, and the course of events. I wanted to decide for myself what I would do in my life, about people who were supposed to be around me, to whom I would devote my life in the future. And suddenly, HE appeared and I began to doubt my free will.

A logical mind was fighting my heart that could seldom really come to a word. The ego still had power over it.

- “How can I love someone I don't really know? Who lives on the other side of the globe! Who probably doesn't even remember I exist! With whom I have no chance of creating any relationship! After all, we have free will, right? And I haven’t chosen him! I don't want him! I don't even know him!"- I shouted, pissed off at the whole world.

Indeed, the situation was at least illogical, so were my feelings, and what had started happening in my life was totally crazy. The more I tried to remove him from my reality, the more he appeared. The universe did everything to prevent me from forgetting him. My whole worldview was overturned.

I thought I was imagining it all and tried to let go. But in reality, all I wanted was to regain control of my own life. I wanted to have the right to choose and plan its course. In addition, I didn't understand what was going on, so I preferred to detach myself from him immediately. Not to mention, I was completely unfamiliar with the term "twin flames" back then.

Not everything can be explained in a logical way. But I do know that nothing happens without a reason. No one appears in our lives by chance. Especially our twin flame. At that time, I believed that I didn’t choose him, at least consciously, and that I would be able to decide for myself whether I wanted him to stay in my reality or not. However, I didn’t realize that the course of events and meeting him had been planned by me, by us, much earlier - even before the incarnation in its present form. It was my own decision which I only didn't remember temporarily. This is what our soul decided to experience.

However, I didn’t want to accept it. I clung to the theory of free will and decided to sweep it under the rug, put my blindfolds on, and pretend he wasn't there. This though, is not letting go. It is a lack of courage to look at the situation that has presented itself in my life and no desire to understanding it. No wonder I always failed.

At that time, after so many attempts to "let go of him", full of whispers at the universe for all this emotional turmoil, my twin returned to my life with redoubled force. He appeared in my dreams or visions, where he triggered such wonderful feelings inside me, that when I woke up I loved him even more than before. Which, of course, made my mind panic like crazy. After all, he was never really physically present in my life… So how could I love him? It didn't make any sense...

At one point my emotions were so extreme that I decided to cut the energetic connection between us. I succeeded in doing so with everyone else, and I thought I would say goodbye to him easily as well. Unfortunately... It was one of the worst experiences of my life. Every time I tried to pull the cord out of my heart, the pain was so horrible, that I thought I was going to die. Almost half of the night I squirmed on the bed full of tears, trying again and again... But each attempt ended exactly the same - it felt as if someone was sticking a knife right into my heart. The worst pain I've ever felt in my life. When I finally gave up, totally exhausted, I heard one of my guides say:

- "By cutting off the cord connecting you and your twin flame, you are killing physically your own heart."

I have never tried to do it again and I do not wish it to anyone...

The stage of trying to continuously remove my twin from my consciousness took quite a long time. The battle between the mind and the heart was fierce and ruthless. Although, there were little pauses in the meantime, as the universe gave me time to focus on myself and my inner metamorphosis. These were longer or shorter periods where I shifted my attention and redirected the energy to myself and to other, mainly creative aspects of my life. I did what I love, what makes me happy. These were very healing moments, a time when I was rediscovering my talents, getting to know myself better, removing old blocks, and recharging my batteries before the next stage of the path and the reappearance of my twin flame. Despite the fact that I temporarily forgot about the TF dynamic, it wasn’t a letting go either. This was simply the healing part of the process, a deeper look into my inner self and acknowledging what my twin had already managed to heal inside me.

Although, when I got too far away, or when these breaks lasted too long, the universe always managed to cause my twin to burst rumbling into my reality. And to make matters worse, everything happened on the spiritual level only. In three-dimensional reality, he was never there.

However, there was a point where I began to understand that this was not just physical attraction or romantic love. There was much more than that. There was a depth that reached completely unknown places of my soul. Whispers of the universe began to get through the logical thoughts. There were so many signs that I couldn't ignore them anymore. So I decided to explore the theory of twin flames. It took me a long time to just accept the connection of our souls and hearts, but knowing that it might be true made me look at the whole story from a different perspective. And along with that, a desire to talk to my twin and check if he also had similar experiences and feelings to mine appeared in my mind.

Unfortunately, all attempts to contact him failed. The conversations ended before they even started. He himself cut all contacts off. And then there was another strong need to let him go.

- “He apparently doesn't reciprocate my feelings, he doesn't want me in his life, and he doesn't believe that we are twin flames either. If that were the case, he wouldn't have treated me in such a cold and indifferent way." - I thought.

At such moments my ego was activated again. Since he showed no interest in me, I didn't want to waste my time on him. I didn't want to go there where they don't want me, where I'm not welcome. I tried to end it immediately and remove him from my life.

Is it a letting go? Absolutely not. These are the pathetic screams of an offended, hurt ego. Logical thoughts that wanted to take control over my heart once again. The result was more kicks from the universe and more or less drastic "random" events in my life that always pushed me back into the path of twin flames.

The next step was the slow acceptance of me as a twin flame and the realization that the TF journey was a long process, not a momentary romantic story. The universe began to reveal its secrets to me. I realized that the importance of twin flames is of a global scale, and that their role is significant in raising the vibration of the Earth. I was shown how we both heal the planet and I was introduced to a new technique of energy healing, where the main tool is the unconditional love and the connection between our twin hearts.

With this understanding and the slow acceptance of the process, there was another, even bigger burst of love for my TF. The ego was pushed to the background. I began to realize who we truly are and who he really is for me. And then another critical moment appeared.

How to let go of someone who is part of me, my perfect mirror image? Someone who makes me feel at home, who may be my only real earthly family. Someone who is not just a karmic, well-defined lesson to learn, but a person with whom I have an unbreakable bond at the level of souls and hearts. Someone whose presence I felt on every inch of my body, even when we were thousands of kilometers away from each other... Someone whose thoughts, feelings, sensations were also mine. Someone who has always been with me, despite the fact that his physical body was completely alien to me. Someone who aroused such feelings inside me that I began to wonder if what I felt for my own children was love or just acceptance...

And why let go of him if he was such an important person to me? After all, I knew perfectly well that nobody and nothing could replace him... Never... It's like wishing for something bad to happen or accepting something worse, less, while having exactly what we dreamed about right in front of us. It's like giving up on ourselves, leaving without fighting for our own happiness. So why should we do something like that? How can we let go of someone who is part of ourselves?

It is quite challenging… In my reasoning, letting go was saying goodbye to him forever, giving up, and stepping out of the twin flame path. And I didn't want it to happen, at all. On the contrary. I wanted to meet him, talk to him. I wanted his presence in my life. I also began to notice how healing his very existence was for me and I slowly started understanding the pattern of the whole process.

After a long break, where we had practically no contact, I decided to talk to him again and reveal some of my experiences, without mentioning the twin flames theory. I had a strong need to share all the story with him and hear his opinion. After all, he also took part in it. I wanted to see if my experiences were also reflecting in his life.

I bet fifty-fifty - either he would open up to some kind of contact with me and we would start talking to each other, or he would tell me directly that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me and that would be the final end of our story. That would be a categorical closure of this topic for me, no matter what my heart had to say about it. If he didn't want me in his life, I would have to finally respect it.

But none of these things happened. He reacted very positively to my message at first, but then he disappeared without any explanation. He vanished like a morning mist. I didn't get any answer nor confirmation. There was also no closure of the story. The whole case was in limbo again.

However, it also had its advantages - he opened up to me energetically for a moment. I could physically feel his vibrations and dive into them. And that was the missing piece of the puzzle. From that moment on, I was 100% sure he was my twin flame. His escape itself, also very typical for the twins, convinced me even more of that.

From that moment on, I focused on my inner work more intensively. If he was running away from confronting me so badly, I must have had a lot to heal still. And I soon realized what it was - abandonment issue. It was activated immediately when I felt rejected by my twin. It was difficult to heal it, and it went on and off for several months. Eventually, I got to the root of the problem - separation from the source and a deep longing for a real home that reached the very core of my soul.

There had been many moments during the healing process where I resented my twin for being so indifferent, especially when I had such a hard time, and he preferred to enjoy his life in a three-dimensional illusion. I needed his closeness and comfort the most, but he was never there for me. I was totally indifferent to him. I could have just disappeared from the planet and he wouldn't have even noticed it.

I wanted to stop missing him and treating him as a savior of my problems. I knew he was the last person who could and wanted to help me. No matter what happened in my life, he wouldn’t be there for me. This understanding hurt me badly, the more so because he was my twin flame, the closest being to me… I was under the impression then that the universe was kicking me from all possible directions.

And those were the next moments when I wanted to let go of him. I wanted to get rid of at least a part of this pain. He wasn't with me, I couldn't rely on him or count on him. It wasn't even possible to let him know that something was wrong in my life. Since he couldn't spend those few minutes talking to me, I knew perfectly well that he wouldn’t devote his entire life to me. There will always be other things, people, situations more important than me...

So what if our souls were connected? Considering his behavior, I had the feeling he was totally unaware of it. In earthly reality, I was a nobody to him. If he was still trapped in his logical mind, he probably was not listening to the guidance of the universe, he couldn’t hear the voice of his heart either. Maybe he didn't even notice them, ignored them, or explained everything to himself in a way that suited him the most. At that time, I knew only one thing - he has never been there for me, he is not now, and he will never be in the future. I had to finally accept it. I had to let go of him and count on myself from now on.

But unfortunately... I didn't succeed. After all, he was the closest person to me. I wanted to run to him with all my problems, I wanted to cry on his shoulder. He was absent. It was true. And it hurt a lot. But I still loved him… He was still part of my soul… I couldn't change that, unfortunately.

But it was all just a part of the process. My twin showed me exactly what I should change in myself. In the end, I fought for my life. I healed the deepest wounds reaching the very heart of my soul. Alone. Without anyone's help. Without my twin by my side. Without any other support from the outside world. And then I realized not only who I am, but also how strong I am. I realized that I didn't really need him or anyone else to feel fulfilled. I was responsible for my happiness, for my own life, and I knew that no one else would give me what I already had inside me. Not even my twin flame. And it was a very liberating feeling. I was whole, I missed nothing. I felt free. I loved myself. And thus, to my surprise, I loved my twin even more.

And then something new appeared. Fighting for my life and my happiness, I also started to have a desire to fight for him. Not from the position of a victim turning to her savior anymore, but a strong woman, no worse than him. After all, he was my twin flame... But how? Since he was on the other side of the globe and he was avoiding me. I asked my guides what I could do many times, but each time I got the same answer - that he was not ready yet and that I should leave him alone. And that meant only one thing - I still had to work on myself, which I started right away. I've already learned how the whole process worked. I knew that sitting and waiting passively for him made absolutely no sense. Life went on, and since he wasn't ready, so did I.

Well, I am impatient by nature (or rather I was because it was another thing that my twin healed in me)... So I decided to try to outsmart the universe. There is so much talk about letting go of twin flame and the fact that only when we succeed, he will open up to us. I felt stronger and happier than ever. After all, life seemed easy and fun to me. I was connected to the source and was getting advice and guidance on a regular basis. I felt self-sufficient, independent, and protected. So what else was I supposed to wait for?

I decided to let go of him... Of course, hoping that then he would show up... I kept convincing myself that I was indifferent, that I didn't care anymore, that I had a great time without him. I even believed it for a while. It was a really fun period of time in my life. I took care of myself and I did what I love. My daily schedule was so busy that I didn't even have time to think about him. Until I finally caught myself thinking this:

- "If I let go, where is he?"

And then I realized that I was fooling myself. If I was still waiting for him, I had never truly let go... And he won't appear in my life... Because I still wanted to control the course of events. Because I still had something to heal...

I began to wonder if I even understood this "letting go" well. In addition, I doubted I would ever be able to do it. After all, he will never be indifferent to me... So why even bother trying?

All that was left for me was to accept the situation as it presented itself and continue my inner work. The heart couldn’t be deceived. I couldn't force him to be present in my life as well, since he had other plans and dreams for his future. I had to accept that perhaps the situation would never change and that our only role here on Earth was to heal the planet and raise its vibration.

Ultimately, I deeply healed my need for other people’s presence in my life, even my twin flame. I felt good with myself. I also knew that the universe would take care of me and would provide me with everything I needed. I came to terms with the past, the future didn't seem as scary as it used to, and the here and now was safe and pleasant. I no longer needed my twin or anyone else to save me from troubles and make me happy. I've already achieved it - alone, thanks to my long, inner work.

But that didn't mean my twin flame had depreciated and was no longer special to me. On the contrary. The more I fell in love with myself, the more my love for him grew. Healthy love, selfless, unconditional, this time with no expectations.

The fact that I didn't need him in my tangible life, that I felt fulfilled, didn't make me forget about him and put him back on the top shelf. He had become more present than ever. I slowly healed everything that consumed all my energy and clouded awareness. What tried to shadow his existence and disrupted our connection had gone into oblivion. A clear space was created, where we finally had the opportunity to look into each other's eyes and dive into these otherworldly vibrations. If only we both wanted it...

However, he was still gone. We hadn't had any contact for over a year. I didn't feel bad about it anymore. I respected his decision and wanted to believe that he knew what he was doing and that he was leading a happy and fulfilled life. Apparently, he also didn't need my physical form in his reality.

On the other hand, I started feeling that the work I had done on the twin flame path at this stage was finished. For over two years I listened to every tip from my guides. Even when my twin was absolutely unaware of it, I was systematically informed about what was going on in his life. I was often directed to help him somehow, work energetically on his body, unblock his heart chakra, raise his vibrations, or simply be with him in my thoughts and embrace him with my love when he needed it. Some other time, when he was firmly in his mind, I was told there was nothing I could do. Back then, I was directed to work on my own life, to change myself, heal my blockages and programs, which automatically reflected in his life as well. I also helped him by increasing my own vibrations.

But I reached a point where came a point where, somewhere inside, I knew that I had done enough for both myself and him, that some kind of stage in the process of healing each other was completed. He didn't need me anymore, and neither did I. I didn't know, and I don't think I even believed that we would ever meet again, but I also accepted that. I was fine with it. However, I felt a strong desire for all my energy, which was constantly traveling to him in the form of thoughts, feelings, healing, to return to me. I felt it was time to leave him alone, to return his freedom energetically and regain my own...

And then I felt it was time to let go of him. Surprisingly, unlike my previous attempts, this time it was a very pleasant experience.

For me, it was a complete giving up on any desire to achieve a specific goal. I was just 100% sure of what connected our souls, forever. I knew I would never lose him because he was a part of me in reality. He would never go away because, in fact, I could feel his presence all the time. His soul was always with me, no matter what.

Moreover, a long time before that, the veil of the illusion of three-dimensional reality was lifted. I was aware that our existence reaches completely different dimensions and we were both only two faint rays of what was in fact our true self. I was absolutely convinced that the universe would provide me with everything I needed and that every event that happened in my life would unfold according to some greater plan.

At the same time, I already knew who I was. I knew my worth very well and I realized that I deserve all the best. I no longer accepted anything that offended me in any way, diminished or limited me, or made me step away from my chosen path, and so lose myself. I always chose my own happiness, even if it meant saying goodbye to my twin flame in the three-dimensional reality. The same rules would apply to him.

Since he couldn’t or didn’t want to be a part of my life, it was clearly meant to be so. I already knew which direction I wanted to take. My happiness didn't depend on his physical presence. Nothing could stop me.

Letting go…

If at any point in my life our paths cross again, then I'll see what I want to do about that. But I am in the here and now. At the moment, I place the course of events in the hands of the universe. I let them unfold according to the bigger, predetermined plan. I take my hands off the helm.

And then I let go of my twin flame, but from the level of heart. However, I haven’t stopped loving him. I haven’t detached myself from him in any way. I haven’t forgotten about him. I haven’t given up and stepped out of the twin flame path. I just loosen the energy that has been building up between us over the last period of time and it seemed to be starting to weigh heavily. I relax my mind and let it slow down. I get rid of the desire to create and plan the future. I have an unwavering faith that absolutely nothing happens without a reason and that the universe has planned something beautiful for me.

Since my twin flame is currently not actively participating in my life, this must be the best solution for both of us. I want my happiness as well as his. No matter if we will ever meet again. With the same unconditional love in my heart, I wish him all the best and I let him go if that is his decision. But there is no regret, no anger, no sadness inside me. I don't feel any negative emotions because, in fact, his happiness is also my happiness.

However, neither any of us should be a burden to the other person. Therefore, I get rid of all limiting ideas and desires associated with him or my own life. I know that I must continue on the chosen path - with or without him. At the same time, I feel the need to remove myself energetically and physically from his life - temporarily or forever. I don’t know that. Yet, I know it is meant to be so. I am simply 100% convinced that the universe knows what it is doing and that it has definitely chosen the best possible solution for both of us.

As I set him and myself free, I am even touched by the situation and shed a few tears. For whatever reason, someone very important to me is leaving. Nevertheless, my heart is still bursting with the same unconditional love - for him, for myself, for everything that surrounds me. And I feel joy standing in front of all this unknown beauty that is still waiting for me, for us, in the future.

And I feel peace, even bliss...

And justice... Because I believe 100% that everything is exactly as it should be...

And happiness... Because I know I'm just entering a new, higher level of consciousness...

And freedom... Because the thoughts, behaviors, and even desires that had been limiting me are gone...

And at the moment where a part of me says goodbye to the past, a greeting to something else appears, which will be even better...

And I am touched... Because this invisible place, the dimension in which I suddenly find myself, is so wonderful, that I can't get enough of it and I'm so glad that I managed to achieve it...

I am treading uncertainly on a ground that is unknown to me, but with an unwavering faith that I am going in the right direction...

I let go...

And when I had been believing that it would be some kind of an ending of my twin flame story, to my surprise, I discover that it was just an illusion...

Only now do I allow the universe to lead me along the path that was chosen for me earlier…

I don't control anything, I don't plan, I don't try to change it, manipulate it...

Only now are the real miracles starting to happen, which I couldn't even imagine in my innermost dreams...

And here HE is...

He is standing right in front of me...

He is smiling…

And he is looking straight into my eyes...

And I'm diving in these incredibly beautiful vibrations...

Everything is exactly as it was meant to be...


Alexandra FreeSoul


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